My New Year Resolutions.
1- Concentrate on my job. I want my money and my promotion. It is my objective to get them to promote me within two years.
2- Lose 10kg. I want my old look back. I want to pass my IPPT without killing myself.
3- Run a marathon.
4-Have fun. No more restrictions.
It has been a lousy month. I have not been this down ever.
My relationship ended. This was something which i had not thought was possible. This was a relationship which i thought would work out, someone whom i actually wanted to marry. Inside my heart, i knew it was not possible when she treated me cold-heartedly and did not bother to put in anymore effort toward us. I was lost and i really wanted to die. When i saw my hand bleeding, i actually felt good. I wanted to see more. I was so ashamed of myself that there was nothing good happening in my life. i really didnt know what to do. My heart really sank. I had changed myself so much to try to be a better man. Now i wonder what is the point of changing for the better. I do not have the confidence to even consider another relationship in the short future. I went mambo recently. When cyndi asked me to chase peiling, my first reaction was the most sincere. If it was meant to happen then it would have happened last time. I have decided to be what i was before.
I went to Shanghai to visit my brother. On one hand it was refreshing to travel. On the other, i realised why i didnt like china and him. It was cold. I liked that feeling. Self torture?? In a way. He brought me to shenzhen to a nightclub. It was a total new experience. Now i know what money can do. I actually enjoyed the whole process and i want to go back there again. The first night i was very reluctant but i remembered what is there to hold me back. Fuck it or rather fuck her. I shall do what i want. First time ever, i was car sick. The drivers were all F1. I could not take it. Damn i am weak. I did so much travelling either by car or plane. Man i was really jet lagged. First time ever.
I traveled to tokyo few days after shanghai. I loved that place. I felt good there. It has always been a place of therapy. People say i am Gu Pi a loner. Yeah so what. I liked it. I learned more about myself than with another people or place. People liked malaysia or taiwan and travel there yearly. For me its japan. Its going to be a place where my yearly rehab will be there. Thanks Japan.
I went with them for christmas celebrations. I realised the whole night i was putting on a front. I really could not handle the truth or face reality. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I am starting work soon. I shall concentrate all on work. That shall be my only focus. Other than my new year resolutions
I am walking around like a zombie. Not really knowing what i should do. Serving out my notice is horrible when i just do not have any motivation. Luckily they post me to projects which are really slack.
I met jaslin at work. I used to have a crush on her. I call her my ice princess really really cold attitude. No reply to msgs or emails. Does not really talk much to others. But hell she is really rich. She is just meant to be a rich tai tai in future. She cannot survive in a tough environment. Then again who am i to critise her when i cannot survive as well. At least she has a rich family to back her. Would be nice to talk to her more as a friend.
Can i recover? Can i be a better man? I need time. I need a miracle. She used to be my miracle but no longer.Makes me think i am not meant to have a good life. Do i really have to struggle my whole life? Is this a test of me? Questions question questions……
Recently i had a breakdown. I really crashed and up till now i have not recovered. We broke up. I was convinced that she was the one for me. I know there are times when i apply alot of pressure on certain stuff but i am trying to back down on that. I think she is just not ready for a mature relationship. There will be problems but its all about how we settle them. She has asked for time to consider. I dun think its consider. She just do not know how to break it to me and wants to use time to let the relationship die off. She has not shown any care or reply to any of my msgs. Thats cold blooded considering what we have been through. This is not even a big problem.
I have resigned from my job with 2 weeks notice. I need a break. I am going off to a place i didnt think i would go. How am i to recover from this let down. I tried to go out but realised that i will start to break down thinking of all the things we have done in all those places. I cannot face the world yet. I do not know how.]
Someone pls help me. I am just a finger away from giving up.
Recently i went for an interview for project manager position in a developer. It got my head spinning.
Its not a big company like CDL or Keppel or Far East. I would say its a medium size developer. It has been around close to 40plus years.
First interview was with the project director. Shit. 1hr30mins in total. He asked many questions which i realise i could only answer 70% of it. His questions were so specific on construction. I was only expecting general questions about myself or even about the company. Woah i did not expect questions asked like this. His questions and answers really brought me down to earth. I came out of there thinking that its over. No choice. Stick to my current RE role.
Few days later, the hr called me asking for second interview. Woah i was stunned. Immediately i accepted.
Second interview was with the Project chairperson. That was even more stressed. This time round, i studied the night before. I would say i am more prepared but not totally. There was a set of drawings on the interview table and i was expected to understand them within 20mins. Holly shit. The chairperson came in with a walking stick. Asked me so so SO many questions and they were detailed. The killer question was ” In view that you dun have that much experience and you are learning a new scope of work, are you rigid in your salary expectations? If i offer you lower, are you rigid? ” Shit. My response was how much lower. He did not reply. Came out of the interview 2hrs later. Overall i felt there was a chance of getting it.
Now this is the crux that got me spinning. Salary. I guess if he was able to offer me minimum what WH offered me, i would say yes. If close to my career starting salary, then no because that would mean my 3 years of experience considered as zero which i dun think should be the case. What if he offered one to two hundred lower than WH??? I think thats going to be the case. How? In terms of career, I think this is the right move and the final move. I love the feeling and vibe i got from the people there. Salary is the tricky part. Career. Its a medium size company. Will i stay there long? Actually i want to. Salary hopefully it catches up to my expectations.
Salary Versus Career.
Another post about you. I am proud of myself. I spend what i earn. Not parents not family. I have a job and i work at it. You take your parents money. You drive a car with your parents money. You go for frequent holidays with your parents money. You buy fancy IT gadgets with your parents money. You wake up late and send your gf back home everyday despite its ridiculous distance away from you. You are not young. Most importantly You do not have a job. Where is your pride? Can you survive if one day everything fails?
I may not understand what a man is willing to do when they face hunger and poverty. But i am sure i can survive on my own. Can you?
Stomp has always been an interesting website for me. Its entertainment. When i look at it, i get to laugh at myself as a singaporean. There are so much rubbish being published on stomp. Stomp was originally meant to bring out social issues. Now it has become a place where people try TRY very hard to post everything shit that happens in singapore. Seriously every single shit that happens will be posted. As long cameras are able to enter they are able to stomp.
My friend was stomped recently for parking outside of his lot. He was upset that he was stomped and actually went to court to try to remove the post. I laughed at him. Firstly regardless of his reason, he parked his car out of the lot. It does not matter whether there are any cars beside him or whether it caused any other inconvenience to others. You parked out of the lot. Just because u drive a bigger car does not mean u have to right to park in your own idea. Go park valet then. Secondly, there is a reason why lots are of a certain dimension. Just because your car specifications are different from standard cars does not give you your own right. If you are not able to park properly go park valet then.
Stomp is a website which shows singaporeans ugly side. It shows us that despite all that we achieved, we are still a group of ugly people. Why are we so desperate to showcase every single side of our ugly face? Lots of them claim that they are trying to raise awareness through creative titles or creative language. Honestly its all a bunch of bull. They feel the ‘kick’ in exposing others shameful side. But when the tables are turned, they get all defensive and claim invasion of privacy. We singaporeans are a bunch of hypocrites. Look at a football match between singapore and malaysia. We can say they are a bunch of rowdy people but are we that angels too? There are lots of us around who abuses them too. How many of us are guilty of shouting vulgarities or shouting refree kayu during a match?
Adele
I have to give you a post to honour what you have done to me. Your songs are great. Your words represent what i went through before. Its a comfort. I cry and i smile when i listen to you.
Please please do not stop. Carry on. Bring your magic to everyone.
Lastly come to singapore. Come
Recently i have been doing something which somehow seems right but yet wrong.. i want to help u get a better life but along the way i expect some ‘benefits’??? Its the benefits which i am troubled by. At the same time, i feel like i am qiang ren suo nan. Forcing myself into your life and demanding for benefits. Its wrong. I did things so as to help u not to get benefits. Think its time to just back away. Calm myself down
Recently i have been talking about car car and car. I thought i have the money for a car. Well i do actually. However i have decided to keep to my own promise and stay away from buying a car until next year. I am going to use the money to invest. Hopefully i can get some reasonable returns from there. Been looking at fundsupermart. There are so many options out there. Should i go with the ones which they recommend or go with new unit trusts? Tough choice. All has its own pros and cons? sigh
