It has been a lousy month. I have not been this down ever.
My relationship ended. This was something which i had not thought was possible. This was a relationship which i thought would work out, someone whom i actually wanted to marry. Inside my heart, i knew it was not possible when she treated me cold-heartedly and did not bother to put in anymore effort toward us. I was lost and i really wanted to die. When i saw my hand bleeding, i actually felt good. I wanted to see more. I was so ashamed of myself that there was nothing good happening in my life. i really didnt know what to do. My heart really sank. I had changed myself so much to try to be a better man. Now i wonder what is the point of changing for the better. I do not have the confidence to even consider another relationship in the short future. I went mambo recently. When cyndi asked me to chase peiling, my first reaction was the most sincere. If it was meant to happen then it would have happened last time. I have decided to be what i was before.
I went to Shanghai to visit my brother. On one hand it was refreshing to travel. On the other, i realised why i didnt like china and him. It was cold. I liked that feeling. Self torture?? In a way. He brought me to shenzhen to a nightclub. It was a total new experience. Now i know what money can do. I actually enjoyed the whole process and i want to go back there again. The first night i was very reluctant but i remembered what is there to hold me back. Fuck it or rather fuck her. I shall do what i want. First time ever, i was car sick. The drivers were all F1. I could not take it. Damn i am weak. I did so much travelling either by car or plane. Man i was really jet lagged. First time ever.
I traveled to tokyo few days after shanghai. I loved that place. I felt good there. It has always been a place of therapy. People say i am Gu Pi a loner. Yeah so what. I liked it. I learned more about myself than with another people or place. People liked malaysia or taiwan and travel there yearly. For me its japan. Its going to be a place where my yearly rehab will be there. Thanks Japan.
I went with them for christmas celebrations. I realised the whole night i was putting on a front. I really could not handle the truth or face reality. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I am starting work soon. I shall concentrate all on work. That shall be my only focus. Other than my new year resolutions
